This past weekend I took a trip to Cochise Stronghold to go camping with my buddy, Joe. Our plan was to check out some Arizona ghost towns and then camp at the Cochise Stronghold campsite. We have both heard great things about this place so we finally decided to check it out. On the drive, I noticed the all too familiar billboards for “The Thing.” I remember seeing these billboards for about 1,000 miles on my way out to Tucson from Ohio a year and half ago. I had asked a gas station attendant about the signs and he wouldn’t tell me anything, just that I had to see it for myself. So we pulled off on the exit for the truck stop/dairy queen/random souvenir store that housed “The Thing.” We paid our dollar and followed the yellow footsteps toward “The Thing.” After seeing some crazy shit that I never expected to see, we saw “The Thing” but there were no answers as to just what it was. I talked Joe into pressuring the store manager into giving him some more information. The store manager, Jerry, was an older gentleman dressed in typical rural Arizona attire complete with a belt buckle, cowboy hat, and pork chop sideburns. Joe asked him, “So what is it?” In his low key western draw, Jerry mumbled, “I dunno.” Joe said, “Well, where did it come from?” Jerry answered, “I dunno.” Joe became a little irritated and said, “You don’t know? Does anybody know?” Jerry replied, “The owner knows. It’s been here fer 50 years. I been here 15 years. I keep trying to get ‘em to tell me but he won’t tell me anything.” That is all we know about “The Thing” but if you are ever in the area, be sure to check it out. It was a well spent dollar.
We continued on our way and decided to stop at the old town of Cochise. The town had a small general store, post office, and hotel. The news had told us that the weather at night was going to dip below 10 degrees so we decided to check out the Cochise Hotel as a possible option for sleeping in a tent. The front door of the hotel had a note with a phone number to call if you were interested in seeing the hotel. We called the number and were told to meet a woman named “Mayfern.” Mayfern was an elderly lady from Indiana. She was just in town to see her grandchildren and didn’t know much about the hotel. She just knew that it was built in 1882 and is still exactly the same today as it was then aside from the new plumbing and heating/cooling system they installed last summer. She also mentioned that Doc Holliday’s wife, Big Nose Kate, worked for the hotel for 9 months. Mayfern gave us a tour of the hotel and it was the coolest hotel I have ever seen. Everything was original, from the antique furniture to the Edison light bulbs. After the tour, Mayfern talked to us for about an hour until and then we were on our way to find some other ghost towns. But first we decided to stop in the general store.
The store was unoccupied with a note reading, “Back in a couple minutes.” We hung out there for well over a couple minutes and was entertained by the friendly cat that drooled all over us as we pet it. Eventually, an older fellow in his 60’s came hustling over from across the street. He let us into the store and gave us a frozen sandwich for Joe and a burrito for me. We microwaved the food and sat down to chat with our new friend. We talked to him for about 3 hours…yes, 3 hours. The subjects ranged from how different kids are these days to nuking all of Iraq. The guy was actually very friendly and he liked the thought of Joe and I camping and drinking whiskey - I think it brought him back to when he was a kid. The post man showed up and chatted with us about “white lightning” moonshine from Tennessee and how it will “make your eye balls go crossed.” Then our friend’s wife and her friend, Wally, showed up. Wally was a very tiny older lady with the craziest voice I have ever heard. It sounded like it came directly from her sinuses below her eyes. I can only remember her name because it was a good one. We decided it was time to leave because if we didn’t get out then, we would never get out of there. The sun was starting to go down so we decided we better get out to our campsite.
We got out to the campsite and started a fire because it was already starting to get mind-numbingly cold. We sat by the fire, drank whiskey and Keystone Premium, and had some really good conversations. By the time the first snow flake fell I decided it was way too cold to stay up any longer. I retreated to my tent that is so small that I have to lay sideways in it and shivered myself to sleep. The next morning we got up and made some tea to try to warm up. When we were pouring the boiling water into a cup, some spilled out on the table and was frozen in a matter of minutes. Yeah, it was cold. We packed all our stuff back into the car and then set off for a hike into the wilderness. As most Arizona hikes go, it was incredible. We saw a few flowers, giant red rocks stacked on top of each other, and even a few free range cows.
We got back from the hike around 2:00pm and took off to find a diner to eat at. We passed a few good possibilities but then found the perfect place: T.J.’s Bar & Grill in Sun Sites, AZ. The bar only had a couple people in it who were drinking beers and watching football on the television. We sat in a couple of bar stools at the end of the bar and the friendly woman who owned the bar came over and gave us menus and beer. We ordered some of the worst bar food imaginable and proceeded to sip our beers. The 2nd shift girl arrived and gave the older woman a long embrace to mark the end of her shift. The older woman ran by us announcing that her shift was over. She then sat down at a bar stool and started drinking. The 2nd shift girl was 23 years old and grew up in Wyoming but went to school in Sun Sites. Oh, Sun Sites is just as big as Cochise, only it has a couple of bars. She was very nervous talking to Joe and me because we were probably the only two young guys she has seen in a long time. She walked up to the juke box to play music and I whispered to Joe, “This oughta be good.” She played some old country music that I don’t think I have ever heard but Joe claims he has. One song in particular had a chorus that went, “That ain’t my truck in her driveway.” Classic. Then we heard the young girl brag to the other bar patrons about how drunk she got the night before and how she could “live off jagger bombs.” Delicious. The girl came over once again and tried to get us to do shots because she claimed she was bored. Joe is not one to turn down a shot so he ordered the cheapest tequila they had. The girl then proceeded to explain how all her friends she used to go to school with now do a lot of meth and ask her why she’s so chubby. Her reply was, “I ain’t skinny like yous cuz I don’t do meth, I eat and drink beer instead and that makes me fat.” She already had me hooked from her jagger bomb comment. I could tell that this was the girl of my dreams. But she wasn’t convinced so she decided to try some more selling techniques on us. She told us that she was the youngest girl we would find around, “these here parts.” She also gloated about how she had all of her teeth and that “none of them wave at cha neither.” I’m pretty sure what she was trying to tell us was, “If you guys are looking to hook up, I’m your only option.” We told her we had to get going and she pleaded for us to stay and keep her company. And throughout the whole conversation the old owner of the bar kept yelling at the girl to stop talking to us and serve the other 2 people in the place drinks. I watched her pour a shot of Jim Beam for a guy that brought his own two liter of Ginger Ale. He then cut up an orange that he brought and ate it at the bar. Anyway, the girl even told us that there would be a couple of drunks coming in later that would buy us free drinks. We had “Bubbaloo” and his pink golf cart coming in. He starts drinking at 9am every day and is sure to be in soon. “Gloom and Doom” and his Mexican sidekick, Danny would also be in and they are always drunk and willing to buy strangers drinks too. As tempting as all of this was, Joe and I decided to quit while we were ahead and took off leaving Sun Sites behind, vowing that we must return some day.
